i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
