Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
