Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
