I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
