I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
