So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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