You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
