you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
