Pregnant stripper...not hot.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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