I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
