She is in my trunk
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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