we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
