my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
