she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Randomize
