it was like his penis was on wheels.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
