its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
