he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
