just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
