2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
