I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
