My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
