The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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