I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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