I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
