You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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