I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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