I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
