I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
