Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize