It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
