READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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