turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
