I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
