wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
That accounts for only three of the penises
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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