Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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