He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Someone came in the potted fern
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
