Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
