Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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