honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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