Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
