so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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