It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
It's shark week go big or go home
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
