Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
