I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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