oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize