Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
