it was like his penis was on wheels.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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