I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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