I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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