Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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