As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm sobbing to NWA
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
