What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
