Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
