Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
