Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
