I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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