i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
