I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
