Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
