Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize