Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
