Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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