why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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