im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
